Orientation (long ass post warning!)

I just got back from a 5 day trip to Hanoi. Northerners and Southerners are basically one in the same in this modern day and age but for me it was like crossing the border of South Korea to see my long lost relatives. I’ve always been curious to see what was hiding up in the mysterious and treacherous north…

First night: Rising Dragon Hotel

Finally! A bed with a mattress...

Second day: Orientation was very, very long. We spoke to the ambassador boss man and ate a HUGE lunch full of fancy dishes that I didn’t get to take a picture of. The hotel was baller as hell with the largest swimming pool I have ever seen in my life. It made me feel poor.

That night, Laurel and I went out in the town for a bit. It was my first time out in Vietnamese traffic but Laurel handled it beautifully. She walked slow and deliberately and looked the drivers right in the eyes. I, on the other hand, nervously scuttled behind her, ready to be robbed, raped, and murdered all at once at any point in time. I made it through though, and Hanoi is actually quite nice (even better than Saigon, sorry mom and dad!)

Third day: Excursion to Ninh Binh

We stayed at the most luxurious villa I’ve ever seen. It opened the week before we arrived so we were literally the first and only guests there. It was kind of creepy/eerily quiet but also good cuz I am antisocial.

I felt like the Dalai Lama

Gorgeous views of the mountains all around the resort

I take up like 1/10th of this bed...

Balcony outside my bedroom

Pool that nobody swam in

Ninh Binh is definitely the most beautiful place I’ve ever been, granted, I haven’t been to tons of beautiful places L

They had many trees with large pamelo fruits in the resort.

We had a fabulously delicious and extremely gratuitous lunch. I am sure I have never eaten such fancy Vietnamese food before (the kind you must eat with your pinky up.) It was a 12 course meal (excessive) so I didn’t bother taking too many pics…

Seafood kabob. It was like eating angel's brains

Green mango salad

Cow

Grilled prawns in tamarind sauce

Even the rice was good...very different from American asian rice

Clam soup

Taro dessert...OMFG THIS WAS SO GOOD

By the end, it proved to be literally TOO MUCH GODDAMN FOOD #firstworldproblem

Everyone was in a coma. We proudly displayed the fat American stereotype on our waddle back to the rooms.

Then we visited the temple once lived in by the king of Vietnam. We had the most boring tour guide who forced us to listen to his tedious drawn out history lessons in the hot ass heat. I bathed in my own sweat for about an hour. The temple itself is quite nice but damn can we just move it along?

The bridge leading up to the temple

Entrance

Unicorn

The temple had a giant lily pond. There were these tasty looking goats walking around the perimeter. They were camera shy though :(

Pomegranate tree. They no let me pick :(

Logan (type of lychee) tree. I ate the fuck out of this tree.

Never knew it looked this crazy...

Logan fruit. Much sweeter than the ones in the US

The last part of the day was my favorite. We took a 2 hour boat tour on the most surreal and picturesque lake/mountain/bay…THING. I don’t even know how to describe it. It looked like one of those places on google you look up but never actually get to visit.

Aerial view from a stock photo cuz unfortunately I don't have the power of levitation

U jelly?

Emily is Indiana Jones

Camwhoring

This man paddled using his feet (pro) whilst taking pics of us the whole way. I got annoyed and took 20 pics of him and eventually he paddled away

Random temple in the mountains

We went into this awesome cave that we so low we all had to lie down as not to get decapitated by the limestone

Our boat peddler hauled ass to get us camwhores across the 7 mile windy river. I felt really bad for her…I would have helped paddle except I felt asleep -_-

At first I was like...

But then I was all like...

We saw a huge school of goldfish? on the way back spawning (do goldfish spawn…?) I have never seen so many goldfishies before. The funny thing is I had some cheddar goldfish crackers in my backpack!

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Dinner was also quite fancy (again, 12 course meal). We went to this outdoor house/bridge thing and were serenaded all night by these women who sang “traditional” Vietnamese songs. The first song was very nice. The second song was good. The third song was OK. The fourth song became irritating. The fifth song I wanted to die. And so on and so forth for all 12 songs…

Yes, do go on...

The food was also tasty but I was too tired and sleepy to take pics

Got home, took the first bubble bath I’ve ever had J

Ahhh...